An open letter to my daughter on the eve of her first birthday

Well Verity it's almost a year since you arrived in our lives, it's unbelievable now to think that you weren't ever here.

Looking back it seems a world away that we were waiting for you to arrive, you were so wanted by your sister and your Mummy and Daddy and our wishes came true when we learned that you were a girl, the pregnancy was hard-going and from 26 weeks I experienced severe pelvic pain and had to walk with crutches, you did all kinds of funny things twisting and turning inside, I was admitted to hospital and had to leave Olivia at home for the first ever time I was separated from her overnight and I felt so guilty, every day the Dr would come and you were in a different position, we called you, 'The Acrobat Baby.'

And then... on 18th February 2010 at 10.35 you arrived finally, delivered safely by c-section as the music 'Everything I do' by Bryan Adams played randomly on the radio in the background, time stopped and we loved you, but we wondered still how you would fit in our world, could we do it? could we be good enough? could we be good enough twice?

You suffered jaundice and severe reflux, we worried, we waited, we went back to hospital and Drs and we longed for life to be normal again but all the time we 3 were becoming we 4 as we grew to love and appreciate each other more.

We've all been blessed by having you in our lives, you are; baby, sister, daughter, friend, cousin, granddaughter, neice and so much more.  You've put fun and laughter in our hearts with your cheeky and lovable character and you've shown me most of all that love is not shared, in the right circumstances it multiplies.

I am so proud to be your Mummy.

Happy Birthday Sweetheart, a big girl at 1! x

Back to work

Well the blog kind of stalled as a busy Christmas and going back to work after 14 months loomed.  Both the girls had chicken pox in December followed by the usual hive of activity around Christmas.  Christmas Eve was super special this year as both girls starred in the Crib service on Christmas Eve, one as Jesus and one as an angel, they were amazing!  Being a family of four for the first time at Christmas was lovely and a good time to reflect and be thankful for all that we have been blessed with this year.

2010 will certainly be a year that we remember happily in the future, we welcomed Verity into our family and celebrated several big events, a baptism, a 40th birthday, a 10th wedding anniversary, a 4th birthday and Olivia starting at Primary School.  We also took more holidays than usual, nothing flash but time away from the day to day which gave us all chance to bond as a family and have lots of fun.

2011 started with my return to work, although I can mostly do my job standing on my head I have found it hard emotionally to be away from the children after enjoying every day with them for over a year.  As a parent who generally subscribes to the ideals of attachment parenting, working outside the home challenges me, not least with suitable childcare arrangements which has taken some settling into.  I have been lucky though to have most of Verity's first year off work and the separation from them has made me realise in a fresh way how much I appreciate them and what a blessing they are to me. 

So here I am in February 2011, now a working Mum to two girls, part of a growing family, ever aware of the challenges that lie ahead in life but trying more than ever to be positive and grateful for all that I have.

Christmas Crafts - Salt dough

Today we made some more things for Christmas.  This time we used salt dough to make a sort of pastry and then cut it into christmassy shapes.  Olivia enjoyed it so much I thought I would write down what we had done here to save for next year or when Verity is big enough to have a go.

The recipe was
2 cups of plain flour
1 cup of salt
1 cup of water

This did make quite a wet dough so we added 3 extra tablespoons of flour to make it an easier to work with dough.

 Roll out the dough on a flat surface

 Take a cutter of your choice to make a shape

 Make a small hole on the top of the shape for hanging

We are air drying our shapes so lay out on greaseproof paper to dry for 36 hours before decorating.

When they are dry, let the children decorate them and thread with ribbon, then wrap in tissue paper for a lovely hand made gift for friends and relatives.

A Royal Visitor

We had a Royal visitor today at Chester Cathedral Today HRH The Princess Royal came to attend a carol service for The Townswomen's Guild, a charity that she has been patron of for 30 years.  I was able to get a few snaps of her arriving and being met by The Dean of Chester Cathedral, the Lord Mayor of Chester and representatives of the charity.

School - remind me of the pros?

While my eldest has been off school this week we've seen her old character come back, the happy relaxed little girl she was before she started to attend school.  When she has been up to it we have read books, done Christmas crafts, played, baked, made music and started to learn how to tell the time and more about weather.  It's been so enjoyable being at home together and  I've started to wonder about school and really what the benefits of it are for her.

We sent her to school following the status quo really, we didn't challenge or question it particularly and there are practicalities too, we need my part-time income and we have a child much younger to think about too.  Is it possible to mix all these things without school?  In some respects I feel that we and many other families to some degree use school for free childcare.

Since starting school we have had two sickness and diarrhoea bugs which have gone through the whole family, several colds and a dose of chicken pox, we have learnt the words hate and stupid in context, she's had her hair pulled and been slapped, she's been grouped according to ability and cried at being separated from the only child she knew in the class before she started, she's sometimes anxious and often grumpy and overtired from the school day she's become indoctrinated with the idea she must do homework and read her book EVERY night without exception, she panics if for any reason we haven't had opportunity to do it in case she is in trouble at school and yes she is still only 4 years and 4 months old and has been at school just 4 months.

It is true to say that since she started school her reading and writing skills have improved, but I do wonder whether they would have anyway with the daily discipline of sitting with her every day with a book and also practising letter sounds.  Given that in school an adult listens to her read once a week and at home we are reading with her every day how much of her improved ability is actually school related?  I also understand that historically state education for the masses was a huge improvement for children, unlike today many families were not literate and many children would have been forced to work down mines, in factories and in agriculture but is state education still the answer for all our children today and if it is how can it be improved so that children are treated more respectfully and individually rather than great herds of cattle.

It is often argued that children need to go to school for socialisation but I do wonder about that argument for a child who takes part in weekly swimming and music lessons, has a network of friends and family completely separate to school, belongs to a church community and who when out makes friends easily and confidently with other children who may be about.  At school she is with children all born within 12 months of her, all wearing the same clothes, all doing the same things and when working in the small groups all of about the same ability, how boring and how unlifelike!

I am not being critical about my daughters school in general, we chose it because we believed it to be a 'good' school, parents like to believe that don't they?  It has a good reputation in the local area, the children generally seem happy and balanced, they have won lots of awards, they give the children opportunities to be involved in many different activities outside the normal curriculum and they have good facilities, we also appreciated the Christian ethos that being a church school brings but is it enough to ignore all the negatives that come with mass schooling, how long will it be before her peers are teaching her overtly sexual language and behaviour or she comes home practising swear words which no doubt will all be shared with her little sister.  It's not that I don't want her to grow up, of course I do but I want her to grow up to be a happy and fulfilled adult, a person who has developed in her own way and learnt to know herself before she is forced to accept the rather harsh realities that the world can throw at us sometimes.  I want her to be a child who is not frightened into general submission or encouraged to rebel by peers but one who is secure who can push her own boundaries and limits to achieve her potential without being driven by others.

I'm not entirely sure where that leaves us, we have discussed the possibility of flexi-schooling as an option while she is still very young but not in great depth, I'd love to hear suggestions of why school can be great too to convince me that school really can be a good place for our youngsters and not just a cattle market.


NOTE
Despite writing this blog post I am aware that for some children and some family situations school IS the best place for the child, this is particularly related to the circumstances we are working with at the present time.

Further info:
http://www.education-otherwise.org/

In search of a simpler Christmas

My children have chicken pox so I'm housebound at the moment, I don't like the fact that they are ill but to be honest I've been glad of the rest from the daily trudge to school especially as the snow has fallen this week.  I'm not able to get out to the shops while they are poorly and as a firm believer that preparations for Christmas should begin during advent I have yet to buy a single Christmas present.  This year will be our first Christmas with Verity, it's a very special time and one that we are thankful for and somehow I want Christmas to be simpler this year, less fussy and less materialistic somehow.

When my 4 year old is asked what she wants for Christmas her answer is either a torch or bubbles depending on how she is feeling at the time and many people are shocked at the answer, surely she must want 'something' I love the innocence in her little face it is a reminder to me and so many who strive to make Christmas happy by going beserk in the shops.  Do we teach our children to be greedy by showering them with expensive gifts thinking that it somehow replaces our need to love them unconditionally and spend time with them, I don't know?  I'm not saying that our children do not have nice things they will no doubt be showered with generous gifts from Grandparents and family and friends but I hope this year to teach them something of the story and true meaning of Christmas that is so much more meaningful.

I believe that traditions are important for children, (and adults,) they provide a marker along life's super highway, they are often times when we stop and think, times when we pause a moment and spend time with people we love, times where memories are made.  Looking back to when I was a child, I honestly cannot remember ALL the presents I got each year, I can remember some, but I do remember being at my Grandparents house with the open fire lit with my family, I can still smell that fire when I think about it.  I still remember the family tradition of going to Delamere Forest to choose a tree and again the memory is strong, I can smell that piney tree smell and even taste the burning hot soup we sometimes had afterwards to warm up, (it was gross by the way.)  They are the type of memories that are not made from money but through time, through love and through family.  They are the type of memories I want to create for my children so that as they grow older they have a bank of happy memories and loving times to use as a bunker when the world gets tough.

As a Christian I believe that Christmas is about the story of a baby who came to earth to be the face of God, born to a humble and ultimately suffering life.  This child changed the life of so many and his legacy has lasted for over two thousand years.  The messages of peace, of hope and of joy are the things that I want to help my children to understand and recreate, goodwill to all men and yes gifts are part of the Christmas story too, there will of course be presents but hopefully not at the cost of making memories, being family and sharing love.

A Royal Wedding

Reading my Facebook news feed home page this morning I felt as though I was the only person actually pleased about the forthcoming wedding after the engagement of Prince William and Kate Middleton hit the news yesterday.  I must admit to being slightly more irked than I realised I cared but comments of who was going to pay for the wedding and who cared about the royals anyway started to irritate me more as the day went on. 

One such comment from a person who freely admits she went through a top university at the taxpayers expense, (prior to the introduction of tuition fees) and spent her grant on holidays and booze made me feel that we in Britain simply want to have our cake and eat it most of the times.  Republican comments about the monarchy are equally annoying and one wants to say, 'Well go and live in another country if it bugs you that much,' but hey I am British and that would be rude wouldn't it?  Actually, where would one go to escape?  When the news was announced fanfares were sounded on TV show, 'Good Morning America' across the Atlantic and during Prince William's fairly recent visit to Australia people lined the streets to see him; this in a country that has repotedly been on the edge of Republicanism for some years.  The British Monarchy is big news, people follow the celebrity and they love the tradition, ritual and to some extent the escapism, across the globe, after all what could be more romantic than a Prince and a Princess on their Wedding Day? 

As for the cost, the monarchy cost the British public 38.2 million pounds in 2009-2010 (source: BBC News) yet Visit Britain suggest that the places, events and history associated with the British Monarchy bring in around 500million pounds to the British economy on an average year and in the year of the wedding could be up to 900 million, I may not be an economist but by anyones reckoning that's a pretty good margin and compared to the debacle of the Olympics we are hosting the following year... well I'll leave that to you to consider.

Finally the appealing thing about a forthcoming wedding for me is that it brings marriage back into the spotlight, it seems that traditional old fashioned marriage has been out of favour for a while and let's face it the last generation of Royals didn't do much to promote marriage but despite that I still believe that marriage is good for society and I believe it is good for children to grow up with two people who are brave enough and committed enough to make a public declaration of love for each other, not just with emotion but with the will, an action as well as a feeling, to love and to cherish whatever happens and whatever the cost.  It is a rare thing to find in these modern times but if William and Kate have found that together then this wedding, Royal or not, really is a true cause for celebration.

Remembrance Sunday

Remembrance Sunday touches me every year, I'm not sure what one thing it is, it's like it is significant every year of my life for different reasons.  The year one of my best buddies was serving in Afghanistan, the year my Grandfather died on Remembrance Sunday or the year I carried the colour of my detatchment as a young army cadet and the pride I felt.  This year I took my two daughters out to watch the service at the Cenotaph in Chester and the march past that followed, earlier in the week the Mercian Regiment had held a homecoming parade combined with their act of remembrance on 11/11.  The 2 minute silence was tangible as they remembered those who had died in service in a foreign land, 12 candles were lit inside the Cathedral to represent those who had not returned with their regiment, many tears fell.

It's hard to separate the politics sometimes and we all have our own opinions on recent world conflicts but these people do a job, a very difficult job which without being there ourselves we cannot possibly hope to understand.  They are following orders at the end of the day and some sadly pay the ultimate price.  The dignity of a soldier newly returned from Afghanistan and an old veteran in a wheelchair is the same, they are united for that one moment in their understanding of conflict, of sacrifice and of service.  It is only building on that understanding of the cost of war from those who have paid the price that we can move towards peace, peace for all people and a peace that lasts.

Making Statements

'Are you wearing that to make some kind of statement?'


Just one of the obscure comments I have had when carrying my baby using a baby carrier or sling.  I'm not sure what kind of statement it could be but I guess it has a slightly critical edge to it's meaning and it got me thinking... Why is it so alien in our westernised culture to see someone carrying a baby? 

I'm not talking about the type of carrier where said baby dangles by it's crotch, separated from the carers body by the thick piece of foam between them, no, I am talking about cloth carriers sometimes known as slings used by indigenous people the world over and still used by many today, some people also call this baby wearing. 

I thought about that statement question afterwards far more than the questioner probably ever imagined or meant, making a statement, proving a point, being different, not quite the norm, no, it was none of those.  In the simplest terms sometimes baby wearing is just practical, a baby needs to be near other human beings they weren't designed for isolation, pop her in the carrier, she is more settled and I can get on with the housework, playing with her older sister and get around town without finding the best ramps and the lifts but it's also more than that, a lot more than that.

When I carry my baby she's at eye level, people talk to her and make eye contact.  From being tiny that communication gives her confidence and respect.  She's at the centre of what is happening but it's not all focused on her so she feels part of it and learns to behave appropriately in different situations.  Babies who are carried regularly cry less and as a result secrete less of the stress hormone cortisol into their brain.  Babies need the human touch, it is well reported that young babies in Romanian orphanages can become ill due to lack of attention and handling even though they are fed and watered, the human body needs touch to grow and develop and there's another thing, carrying my baby means I can kiss her little head, reassuringly stroke her back without even thinking about it and whisper to her as we stroll along just the two of us in our own little world she knows she is loved and protected.

On reflection then, I suppose yes, I am making a statement, a statement about the parent I aspire to be, one who always remember the infinite privilege of parenting and understands the value of these early years for the future of my children, their children and their children's children, the future is in our arms.


Further articles:
http://www.continuum-concept.org/reading/in-arms.html
http://www.attachmentparenting.org/parentingtopics/babywearing.php
http://www.thegreenparent.co.uk/articles/read/wear-your-baby/
http://www.slingguide.co.uk/benefits.php

To Autumn

When I had to study Keats for my A Levels I never fully understood this poem but as winter approaches and the wind blows the Autumn colours and sunshine away for another year the words ring in my mind.

To Autumn by John Keats

Season of mists and mellow fruitfulness,
    Close bosom-friend of the maturing sun;
Conspiring with him how to load and bless
    With fruit the vines that round the thatch-eves run;
To bend with apples the moss'd cottage-trees,
    And fill all fruit with ripeness to the core;
        To swell the gourd, and plump the hazel shells
    With a sweet kernel; to set budding more,
And still more, later flowers for the bees,
Until they think warm days will never cease,
        For summer has o'er-brimm'd their clammy cells.

Who hath not seen thee oft amid thy store?
    Sometimes whoever seeks abroad may find
Thee sitting careless on a granary floor,
    Thy hair soft-lifted by the winnowing wind;
Or on a half-reap'd furrow sound asleep,
    Drows'd with the fume of poppies, while thy hook
        Spares the next swath and all its twined flowers:
And sometimes like a gleaner thou dost keep
    Steady thy laden head across a brook;
    Or by a cyder-press, with patient look,
        Thou watchest the last oozings hours by hours.

Where are the songs of spring?  Ay, where are they?
    Think not of them, thou hast thy music too, -
While barred clouds bloom the soft-dying day,
    And touch the stubble-plains with rosy hue;
Then in a wailful choir the small gnats mourn
    Among the river sallows, borne aloft
        Or sinking as the light wind lives or dies;
And full-grown lambs loud bleat from hilly bourn;
    Hedge-crickets sing; and now with treble soft
    The red-breast whistles from a garden-croft;
        And gathering swallows twitter in the skies.