IF - Rudyard Kipling

IF you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,
If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,
But make allowance for their doubting too;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,
Or being lied about, don't deal in lies,
Or being hated, don't give way to hating,
And yet don't look too good, nor talk too wise:
 
If you can dream - and not make dreams your master;
If you can think - and not make thoughts your aim;
If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster
And treat those two impostors just the same;
If you can bear to hear the truth you've spoken
Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,
Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,
And stoop and build 'em up with worn-out tools:
 
If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,
And lose, and start again at your beginnings
And never breathe a word about your loss;
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To serve your turn long after they are gone,
And so hold on when there is nothing in you
Except the Will which says to them: 'Hold on!'
 
If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,
' Or walk with Kings - nor lose the common touch,
if neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,
If all men count with you, but none too much;
If you can fill the unforgiving minute
With sixty seconds' worth of distance run,
Yours is the Earth and everything that's in it,
And - which is more - you'll be a Man, my son!

Lies to a 21st Century woman

We can have it all?

I'm stuck in one of those anxiety ruts at the moment, you know the kind where you can go round and round in circles for ages because there isn't an obvious answer and actually I need to make a choice and live with it.  The source of the problem is my intended return to work at the end of my maternity leave.

The two children I have present different issues in this scenario, the eldest is at school now and before and after school care is an issue, I don't want to be one of the band of invisible parents at the school gate, I don't want other people collecting her and hearing about her day before I do and yet when that same little girl comes home waving a letter for the school trip or asking for music lessons or something else of  worth that is important to her I don't want to see the disappointed look that nothing but an unequivocal 'Yes!' would put on the face of that little girl that I love so much.  My second child is still a young baby and the situation at the moment is clearer for me, quite simply I do not wish to leave her in the institutional care of a nursery from 11 months of age but as she grows I hope the same for her that I can offer experiences across the full spectrum of life and sometimes in our society you need money to pay for that.

That brings me on to another issue and as younger people we try not to think about it but in our society we need to seriously consider pensions and care for the elderly.  The statistics are scary and without pension provision for our later years we could all too easily find ourselves on the poverty line, whether we work or not has a direct impact on our standard of living and well being at one or other time in our lives.

I have said since my first daughter was born that I want to set my children an example that women can work and still be good parents, that as girls they must understand and believe that women can do anything they choose and not simply stay at home and raise babies.  In some ways I stand by this because I believe with all my heart that a woman who sets her mind to it can do anything but I now realise this was partly wrong, first the assumption that bright, strong, intelligent women don't choose to stay at home as a valid alternative to pursuing a career and second that all those qualities and a lot more beside aren't needed to be the kind of Mother that your children deserve that somehow being home and raising children is second rate to having a career.

The debate between staying at home and going to work whilst  your children will rage on in the background as I seek out the best option for my family at this time and in the meantime as I go round chasing rainbows I'll keep my eyes open for the pot of gold at the end of them.