Happy New Year!

I can't believe I haven't posted in this blog since June!  That just about sums up how busy life is right now but events wise 2011 has been much quieter than 2010.  This year has mostly been about organising our life as working parents to two very individual children, we took two lovely holidays in Devon and Ireland and had weekends away in the Lake District, Dolgellau and Cardiff.  This year we added another Godchild to the special group of children who have special significance to us and who we are committed to praying for and supporting, Georgina Joanne was baptised in April, daughter to Jon and Lou and sister to Charlotte and we were delighted to share the special day with them all.  In May we gained a beautful baby niece Erin Hanna, daughter to Gav and Claire and sister to Ole.  Peter's nephew Tom got engaged to Amy and they will be married at Easter 2012 in London and we joined my extended family on Mum's side to celebrate the wedding of my cousin Marcus to Maxine joined with the christening of their son Harvey.  We have been fortunate in the last couple of years to spend time with old friends and meet new ones.  There have also been developments at home as we have gained new neighbours in the street after a period of having a number of empty properties around us so it is nice that we have started to get the feel of community again.

Olivia and Verity have continued to grow this year, Olivia is in Year 1 and takes part in French lessons, swimming twice a week and Saturday Singing Club, she is very sensible and a very caring older sister.  Verity has settled beautifully at nursery and is now in the toddlers building, she has proved to be as characterful there as she is at home and the range of her mobility for her age continues to astound us, she is also starting to talk now which is really lovely because she can communicate more fully with us although it is a little worrying that her favourite words at the moment are, 'No' and 'Mine!'  Both girls got scooters for Christmas and we are enjoying getting out in the fresh air to practice riding them and learning how to steer by balance.

So what for next year?  We are already looking forward to the wedding of Tom and Amy at Easter in London and a long weekend away in the Lake Disrict.  Dad's wife Barbara will celebrate her 60th at the end of Januray Verity will be 2 in February and Olivia 6 in August.  There is a strong possibility we may move house as there are plans to renovate the block we currently live in and the daily grind of work, commuting and managing the children with Peter working weekends and long hours will continue.  One of my ideals is to focus on doing what makes us as a family unit happy instead of pleasing others but I know I'm not very good at that, also to try and get a better work/life balance for Peter and I having the chance to spend nice times with the children.  We are thankful for all we have been blessed with in 2011, always thankful for 2 beautiful healthy children and hopeful for the future on the eve of 2012.
Happy New Year to you all!

An open letter to my daughter on the eve of her first birthday

Well Verity it's almost a year since you arrived in our lives, it's unbelievable now to think that you weren't ever here.

Looking back it seems a world away that we were waiting for you to arrive, you were so wanted by your sister and your Mummy and Daddy and our wishes came true when we learned that you were a girl, the pregnancy was hard-going and from 26 weeks I experienced severe pelvic pain and had to walk with crutches, you did all kinds of funny things twisting and turning inside, I was admitted to hospital and had to leave Olivia at home for the first ever time I was separated from her overnight and I felt so guilty, every day the Dr would come and you were in a different position, we called you, 'The Acrobat Baby.'

And then... on 18th February 2010 at 10.35 you arrived finally, delivered safely by c-section as the music 'Everything I do' by Bryan Adams played randomly on the radio in the background, time stopped and we loved you, but we wondered still how you would fit in our world, could we do it? could we be good enough? could we be good enough twice?

You suffered jaundice and severe reflux, we worried, we waited, we went back to hospital and Drs and we longed for life to be normal again but all the time we 3 were becoming we 4 as we grew to love and appreciate each other more.

We've all been blessed by having you in our lives, you are; baby, sister, daughter, friend, cousin, granddaughter, neice and so much more.  You've put fun and laughter in our hearts with your cheeky and lovable character and you've shown me most of all that love is not shared, in the right circumstances it multiplies.

I am so proud to be your Mummy.

Happy Birthday Sweetheart, a big girl at 1! x

Lies to a 21st Century woman

We can have it all?

I'm stuck in one of those anxiety ruts at the moment, you know the kind where you can go round and round in circles for ages because there isn't an obvious answer and actually I need to make a choice and live with it.  The source of the problem is my intended return to work at the end of my maternity leave.

The two children I have present different issues in this scenario, the eldest is at school now and before and after school care is an issue, I don't want to be one of the band of invisible parents at the school gate, I don't want other people collecting her and hearing about her day before I do and yet when that same little girl comes home waving a letter for the school trip or asking for music lessons or something else of  worth that is important to her I don't want to see the disappointed look that nothing but an unequivocal 'Yes!' would put on the face of that little girl that I love so much.  My second child is still a young baby and the situation at the moment is clearer for me, quite simply I do not wish to leave her in the institutional care of a nursery from 11 months of age but as she grows I hope the same for her that I can offer experiences across the full spectrum of life and sometimes in our society you need money to pay for that.

That brings me on to another issue and as younger people we try not to think about it but in our society we need to seriously consider pensions and care for the elderly.  The statistics are scary and without pension provision for our later years we could all too easily find ourselves on the poverty line, whether we work or not has a direct impact on our standard of living and well being at one or other time in our lives.

I have said since my first daughter was born that I want to set my children an example that women can work and still be good parents, that as girls they must understand and believe that women can do anything they choose and not simply stay at home and raise babies.  In some ways I stand by this because I believe with all my heart that a woman who sets her mind to it can do anything but I now realise this was partly wrong, first the assumption that bright, strong, intelligent women don't choose to stay at home as a valid alternative to pursuing a career and second that all those qualities and a lot more beside aren't needed to be the kind of Mother that your children deserve that somehow being home and raising children is second rate to having a career.

The debate between staying at home and going to work whilst  your children will rage on in the background as I seek out the best option for my family at this time and in the meantime as I go round chasing rainbows I'll keep my eyes open for the pot of gold at the end of them.

In my Daughter's Eyes

I am sat here writing this blog on the eve of my Daughter's 4th Birthday, emotional I suppose but that doesn't quite describe it.  It's hard to explain how I feel because those feelings are strong and very personal; she is wonderful and the last four years have been so amazing, she's taught me so much about myself and I've grown as a person from having her in my life.  Not to say that there haven't been challenges - aren't there always but the good times overwrite those many times over.  This year she has become a big sister and I now have two beautiful daughters, in just a few weeks another milestone, she will start at school.  Life with Olivia is exciting, it is fun, it is challenging at times and so many other things I couldn't even begin to describe here.  I pray that as we grow together I will always strive to be the Mummy, Mum, Mother she deserves.