evanluauAs I sit at my kitchen table, I observe that Spring is in the air! I am watching a family of sandhill cranes showing off their new chicks, dragonflies fluttering about, and a family of otters scampering across the back of the pond. This morning, a neighbor reminded me to be mindful of my child and dog in the backyard because of the alligators who reside in the pond and the fact that it is mating season. Alas, Spring is in the air! Spring and the birds and bees!
Which turns my thoughts to my own child and a quickly approaching conversion about such a topic, as I envision my son as a teenager, a young adult, and a grown man.
Why is it Important for Children to Learn How to Say “No” to Parents:
When our children are young, the most important people in their lives are their parents. Little arms around the neck and kisses on the cheek are plentiful everyday. But soon, the most important people for our children become their peers and friends.
Today, my child is 5  years old. He clearly and abundantly expresses his love for me as his parent with his words and his actions everyday. But as he grows, and my kisses and hugs become less welcome, where will he turn to for attention, affection, and “love”?  Will he know how to be respectful of himself and others?  Will he be safe emotionally, mentally, and physically?  These are the questions that keep me awake at night.
What Parents Can Do Right Now to Encourage Saying “No” to Peers:
My solution?  I give my child the gift of the power to say ‘no’ to me on occasion. I do so not because I am a permissive parent, but because I believe that if my child does not feel safe enough to tell me an occasional ‘no’ to my request, then he will not be able to say no to his friends and peers when he is asked to experiment with drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, and sex. I do so, because my wish is that he learn how to take care of himself. Finally, I do so because I love him.
To me, being a parent is about unconditional love and parenting with the end in mind. So sometimes, I will accept a respectful ‘no,’ knowing that I am envisioning a teenager who will be able to say no to his peers, and striving to raise a human being that will find healthy and safe ways to meet his needs for love and affection.
I invite you to offer the same gift to your own children. Spring is in the air, bringing with it new opportunities, new beginnings, and perhaps, a new way of thinking about the power of saying “no.”
By Rachel Wallace Reid, Certified Montessori Teacher and Parent Educator