An open letter to my daughter on the eve of her first birthday

Well Verity it's almost a year since you arrived in our lives, it's unbelievable now to think that you weren't ever here.

Looking back it seems a world away that we were waiting for you to arrive, you were so wanted by your sister and your Mummy and Daddy and our wishes came true when we learned that you were a girl, the pregnancy was hard-going and from 26 weeks I experienced severe pelvic pain and had to walk with crutches, you did all kinds of funny things twisting and turning inside, I was admitted to hospital and had to leave Olivia at home for the first ever time I was separated from her overnight and I felt so guilty, every day the Dr would come and you were in a different position, we called you, 'The Acrobat Baby.'

And then... on 18th February 2010 at 10.35 you arrived finally, delivered safely by c-section as the music 'Everything I do' by Bryan Adams played randomly on the radio in the background, time stopped and we loved you, but we wondered still how you would fit in our world, could we do it? could we be good enough? could we be good enough twice?

You suffered jaundice and severe reflux, we worried, we waited, we went back to hospital and Drs and we longed for life to be normal again but all the time we 3 were becoming we 4 as we grew to love and appreciate each other more.

We've all been blessed by having you in our lives, you are; baby, sister, daughter, friend, cousin, granddaughter, neice and so much more.  You've put fun and laughter in our hearts with your cheeky and lovable character and you've shown me most of all that love is not shared, in the right circumstances it multiplies.

I am so proud to be your Mummy.

Happy Birthday Sweetheart, a big girl at 1! x

Back to work

Well the blog kind of stalled as a busy Christmas and going back to work after 14 months loomed.  Both the girls had chicken pox in December followed by the usual hive of activity around Christmas.  Christmas Eve was super special this year as both girls starred in the Crib service on Christmas Eve, one as Jesus and one as an angel, they were amazing!  Being a family of four for the first time at Christmas was lovely and a good time to reflect and be thankful for all that we have been blessed with this year.

2010 will certainly be a year that we remember happily in the future, we welcomed Verity into our family and celebrated several big events, a baptism, a 40th birthday, a 10th wedding anniversary, a 4th birthday and Olivia starting at Primary School.  We also took more holidays than usual, nothing flash but time away from the day to day which gave us all chance to bond as a family and have lots of fun.

2011 started with my return to work, although I can mostly do my job standing on my head I have found it hard emotionally to be away from the children after enjoying every day with them for over a year.  As a parent who generally subscribes to the ideals of attachment parenting, working outside the home challenges me, not least with suitable childcare arrangements which has taken some settling into.  I have been lucky though to have most of Verity's first year off work and the separation from them has made me realise in a fresh way how much I appreciate them and what a blessing they are to me. 

So here I am in February 2011, now a working Mum to two girls, part of a growing family, ever aware of the challenges that lie ahead in life but trying more than ever to be positive and grateful for all that I have.